Remembering...

Friday started out as a mostly normal day. My cousin was being induced to have her baby girl. I was eagerly awaiting to hear about her. I headed to the store early to get some medicine. I hoped to beat this nasty cold before I had to go to work (didn't happen, ended up having to call in today and Friday). I was being a lazy bum on the couch when my husband updated his Facebook status to this- Just too many sick people in this world. Opening fire on a bunch of kindergartners in an elementary school. I can't even begin to understand the motive there.

My heart froze. I hadn't heard about Sandy Hook yet so I didn't know specifically what he was talking about. My phone gets horrible service and I had missed 3 calls from him. He works for a middle school right next to an elementary school. His school has been locked down 4 times this year. Once because a nearby business was robbed and they hadn't found the robber yet. Once because someone was spotted nearby with a gun. Twice because someone called in threats. So thinking it had been near to him isn't such a stretch.

In just that moment I felt true terror. I am very thankful it was just a moment. I feel for the families and children who don't have that luxury. Who felt and are still feeling terror, fear and sadness. I can't imagine what those kids felt before they died. I can't imagine what the ones who lived are feeling now. I can't imagine what the teachers and other adults felt, what they are still feeling. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a parent of one of the children that died. That is a kind of pain that no one should have to feel. If I could do anything to take some of that pain away I would.

Because of this I've held X a little bit tighter the last few days. I've let some of the little things go and laughed instead. I've played more or tried to as best I could with this cold. Basically I'm soaking up every single moment with my amazing boy I can. He or I could be gone in a moment. A car crash, a break in, an illness or even a shooting could change that. I will do my best to not only protect him from the evils of this world but teach him about them. I don't know if it will change anything. I hope I never find out.

I know this post is depressing but I want to do my best to remember the sweet children who were taken too soon and the adults who died trying to protect and teach them.

Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female (age 6)

Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male (age 7)

Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female (age 6)

Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female (age 7)

Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female (age 6)

Dylan Hockley, 03/08/06, male (age 6)

Madeleine F. Hsu, 07/10/06, female (age 6)

Catherine V. Hubbard, 06/08/06, female (age 6)

Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male (age 7)

Jesse Lewis, 06/30/06, male (age 6)

James Mattioli, 03/22/06, male (age 6)

Grace McDonnell, 11/04/05, female (age 7)

Emilie Parker, 05/12/06, female (age 6)

Jack Pinto, 05/06/06, male (age 6)

Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male (age 6)

Caroline Previdi, 09/07/06, female (age 6)

Jessica Rekos, 05/10/06, female (age 6)

Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female (age 6)

Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male (age 6)

Allison N. Wyatt, 07/03/06, female (age 6)

ADULTS

Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female (age 29)

Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female (age 47)

Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female (age 52)

Lauren Russeau, 1982, female (age 29)

Mary Sherlach, 02/11/56, female (age 56)

Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female (age 27